in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
Randomize
