I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
