So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Randomize
