So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
Randomize