I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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