see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
