My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
Randomize
