i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
Randomize