i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
Green mimosas i think yes
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize