Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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