I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
you had me at cake vodka
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
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