you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
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