Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
Randomize
