Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
