I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
Randomize
