where am i from again
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
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