If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
