Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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