everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
I had to cum in my sink.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
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