Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
Randomize
