"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
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