Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
Blood and glitter go together right?
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
Randomize
