Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
Send help, water and tortillas.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
Randomize
