Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
Randomize
