At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
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