Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Randomize
