You don't have asthma, your pregnant
Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Randomize