explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
Randomize
