Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
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