The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Randomize
