i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
Randomize
