I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
that's an acceptable place to lick
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
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