Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize
