so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Randomize
