it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Randomize
