There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
Randomize
