I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
Randomize
