well I can't set my house on fire every night
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
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