I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
