Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
I believe in your delicious
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize
