her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
Randomize
