When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
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