Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
