We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
Randomize