her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
Randomize
