If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
soo... how was my night?
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
Randomize
