i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
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