They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
Randomize
