I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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