My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
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