god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
50% drunk capacity currently
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
Randomize