Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
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