If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
Randomize
