You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
Randomize
