i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
Randomize
