There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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