WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
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