i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
Randomize
