Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
i think my tv is drunk
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize
