Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
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