my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
