he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
Randomize
