Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
Randomize
