God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
Randomize
