so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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