toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
