So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
Randomize
