My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
