Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
Randomize
