Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
Randomize
