he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
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